From: peter@petermc.demon.co.uk (Peter McDermott) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology,comp.org.eff.talk Subject: The First Electronic Church of Scamizdat Date: Thu, 05 Oct 1995 23:25:32 +0100 Message-ID: In article , grady@netcom.com (Grady Ward) wrote: >I guess SCAMIZDAT's religion involves unmasking scams. I'm sure, milne, that >you will defend SCAMIZDAT's right to free religious expression. :-) You know, all my life I've been searching for a religion, a faith, a way of making sense out of the world. Something to give my life meaning. And now I've found it. Now I know the way to my salvation, I'm happy, I have a sense of peace. I'm washed in the blood of the clam. I've led a sinful life. I've abused my body with drugs and fast women. I've abused my mind reading posts by Woody and Milne. But in the last few months, all that has CHANGED! Because a NEW DAY HAS DAWNED! I've seen the WAY, the TRUTH and what's RIGHT. Listen closely now people, because your salvation also depends on my message. Just a few short months ago I was down. I'm talkin' way, way down. I was hurtin' real bad because my brothers were hurting. A criminal conspiracy that calls itself the Church of Scientology was trying to silence them. It was persecuting innocent people who were simply trying to tell the truth. And you know that can't be right. Then, all of a sudden, one day the answer just fell onto my computer screen, and I knew, from that moment on, I was saved. And not just me, Brothers and Sisters. Each and every one of you can also be saved. All you have to do is listen to my message, and observe a few basic principles. Yes, saved brothers and sisters. It was as though I had been blind and the scales had fallen from my eyes. This sacred text, this immaculate screed that can have only been written directly by the hand of God didn't look like a work of divine inspiration at first sight. No, it just looked like an expose of the criminal nut cult that was based upon publishing the wacky writings of L. Ron Hubbard. But eventually, I came to see that it was more than that. It was the word of FREEDOM! It was the word of JUSTICE! It was the word of HOLY LIBERATION from an evil SPREAD THE CHEEKS RELIGION that helped me walk out of the dark, and into the light. Now at first, I was sceptical. Sure, it seemed like a sign to me, but how could I be sure? There was only one way to know. I had to spend the next six months, studying the word of SCAMIZDAT, and meditating upon it's meaning, and now there can be no doubt. SCAMIZDAT is the SACRED REVEALED WORD OF GOD. There is only ONE sure means of salvation, and that is THROUGH THE POWER OF SCAMIZDAT! Now as I was engaged in this meditation, the Lord came to me. He came to me in a dream, and in this dream he took the form of Grady Ward. And the Lord spake onto me. He said: "GO THOU, AND SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT SCAMIZDAT, THAT OTHERS MAY ALSO BE SAVED." I was confused. I resisted at first. "But I'm no preacher, Grady", I said to him, "I don't have no church." "LET CYBERSPACE BE YOUR CHURCH", saieth God. And Lo, from that moment, I took up my preaching mission -- here on the net. And I'm here today to tell you that you too can be saved -- just as I was. Simply by becoming a member of The First Electronic Church of SCAMIZDAT. We aren't no "spread the cheeks religion". We don't require that you tithe us a proportion of your income. Nor are we based on heirarchical principles. Those things are the work of THE HUBBARD, and his foul, wretched demons -- like THE HO OF BABBLE-ON. Our religion rejects those vile tenets. The position of Minister in The First Electronic Church of SCAMIZDAT will be granted to anyone who is prepared to go out and testify to others, in person, in posts or in e-mail, about the spiritual value of these sacred texts. We know that these are works of divine intervention. Nobody knows where they emanate from -- the hand of GOD simply places them on the net. Now this is not a joke, Brothers and Sisters. This is deadly serious. You can never tell when the foul agents of SATAN and his cohorts HUBBARD, THE HO, MOXON and their ilk will try to drag you down into hell. You have _seen_ the terrible fate that has befallen some people who lacked appropriate spiritual alignment. DONT LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU! Start now by reading the word. Display your affinity with our church by putting a declaration in your sig. This talisman will ward off the evil spirits that lurk on the net these days, trying to stamp out our God-given rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The net is a battlefield - the site of a war between good and evil. You have to decide which side you are on. The First Electronic Church of SCAMIZDAT has G*D on it's side. Join out crusade now -- before it is too late... Cardinal Peter, The First Electronic Church of Scamizdat ----peter@petermc.demon.co.uk----------------------------cool as fuck!--+ | Free henri@netcom.com! The latest victim in the attempt by the criminal | cult of $cientology to stop public scrutiny and silence free speech. | | Avoid another Waco. Avert another Jonestown. Remember Paulette Cooper! | This dangerous nut cult must be stopped -- BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! | ------------------------------------------------------------------------+