Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: The Upright Citizen's Brigade Presents Psychotonomy! From: "Richard Fife" Date: Tue, 3 Aug 1999 10:26:06 -0700 -------- I was watching Comedy Central last night and stumbled across a pretty well researched sketch on "The Upright Citizen's Brigade" attacking Scientology. The sketch starts with a guy in used car salesman garb addressing a group of maybe 20 people (including an Isaac Hayes impersonator.) He says that Psychotonomy has caught some flack for claiming to be able to cure homosexuality. He then says "I wonder what the critics would say about this?" and shows cue cards with the names "Jon Cruz" and "Tomm Travolda" on them. He asks the audience who among them has heard bad things about Psychotonomy. Several people raise their hands, including one guy who raises his left hand. He calls him up front and says he can cure his left handedness. The lefty says he doesn't want to be cured (Host: "You're in denial!") The host picks up a plate of cookies and offers them to Lefty. Lefty picks up a cookie with his left hand. The host grabs the cookie and crumbles it. He then gives Lefty a Tone 40 stare and says "Want a cookie?" Lefty grabs another cookie with his left hand. The host crumbles it again, gives him another Tone 40 stare and says "Want a cookie?" Lefty grabs a cookie with his right hand. The host declares him cured. Lefty says "No I'm not!" The host then reads from "Battlezone Earth" by "L. Hon Rubbard" (Approximate sample: "Hider wanted to hide his nutrition food before the hunter hunters sensed it.") until Lefty breaks down in agony and admits to being cured. Someone in the audience throws Lefty a tennis ball and he catches it with his left hand. The tennis ball thrower (who is a geeky looking white guy in a Rastafarian outfit) gets up and claims that Psychotonomy charged him $7000 to make him African American and when he moved to the ghetto and said "How's it going, my fellow niggers," the locals beat him senseless. The host says "Maybe you should de-emphasize the R in niggers." A short woman in really floppy clothing gets up and says Psychotonomy charged her $12,000 to make her 5 foot 11, but when she tried out for the Women's NBA, she got laughed at. The host acts offended and offers her a cookie, only to crumble it again and say "You're 5 foot 11!" She says "You're full of beans!" The host goes ballistic and yells at her and the audience. "Psychotonomy has a huge legal department and you're all sued!" It's playing again next Friday at Midnight on Comedy Central. The sketch starts about 10 minutes into the show. Richard Muir says check it out. -- Rich Fife --