Stupidity of Scientology exposed by its own web pages

Lisa Chabot has often pointed out embarassing web pages on Scientology's own site. I collected them for your convenience, and added some I found myself. Some comments are by Lisa, some by me; but I take responsibility alone for all comments on this page.

How can scientology help me...

... become an enlightened tribble?
... find an excuse for beating my wife?
... understand the benefit of totalitarism?
... get rid of abstract concepts?
... to be a docile and dull student?
... feel insecure about all my knowledge?
... blame uninvolved others for disputes?
... put 20% of the population in isolation camps?
... get rid of my best friends?
... feel paranoid and pull the wool right over my eyes?
... get rid of that tell-tale smell of beer and drive home?
... view 3D Odorama movies for free?
... violate child-labor laws?
... stabilize my own stupidity?
... poison my liver?
... train my manipulation skills on my children?
... fondle people who need medical help?
... understand the dangers of Aspirin®?
... improve my relationship with the press?

Did you know that...

... Scientology is actually even less worth of respect by reason of age or dignity than Psychiatry?
... children are actually thetans in small bodies?
... criminals actually want to be punished?
... personal observations are more important than objective facts?
... your children can be a security risk?
... you should trust your hallucinations?
... Scientology can trigger binge eating?
... Scientology helps you to cheat?