From: Kim Baker Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: MY LAST MESSAGE TO A.R.S. Date: Sat, 04 Nov 1995 08:07:33 GMT I listed my reasons for leaving FACTNET in the three part series. I stand by everything I said in it, as it was the point I had reached just before resigning. The last nasty shock to you is that I signed Declarations for the Church after that. Many of you will be judging me very harshly now, and I literally turn the other cheek to that, in full recognition and understanding of the hurt and betrayal you feel. I know, I know, I KNOW, and I understand. I do not shirk from that, or not look at it - I know and understand and take full responsibility for it. You will not be able to understand how I am feeling right now, but I can assure you that I have not escaped this without deep, deep pain. When I entered the conflict, I made an error in judgement, one that has consequences of magnitude, and, there is no polite way to put it - I fucked up, MONUMENTALLY. This has stunned several people, and all I can do is to beg everyone to look at this, and learn from it, so that in the future, there need not be so much hurt and pain to so many people - if nothing else, let my example serve as a model of how to avoid all this, how to avoid repeating and perpetuating this endless cycle of pain and anger. When I entered the conflict, I thought I was ready, I was sure of the ground I was on, I thought I could handle it. My vision for FACTNET was to contribute and mold an organisation that could help people deal with psychological coercive tactics, in all areas of life - focusing on research, providing information from all angles, so that people could decide for themselves. Apart from focusing on the tactics, I also wanted to focus on what it is in US that makes us vulnerable to these tactics. That was a whole new area I wanted to create. But then, immediately after I joined, there were the raids, and the whole thing turned into a copyright dispute. Even at this stage, I was uneasy about fighting over copyrights - to me, it wasn't the correct issue to tackle. But I kept quiet, and gave my tacit support to it by being a Director of FACTNET. First mistake. I should have just, there and then, said "Sorry guys, I'm not in agreement with this", and left. I didn't. I stayed because I felt they needed me, and I stayed, because I was helping people who have been hurt. And I continued, privately, to look more and more at this copyright dispute. And became more and more convinced that it was not the right thing to do. The fact is, the raids would NOT have been able to occur, if there had not been the provocation of posting the Upper Levels. It handed the reason for litigation to the Church on a plate! Several people here have argued in support of posting these Upper Levels around, and said that the result would be to remove the iron grip of the RTC and Upper Management from the organisation. I have stated in my reasons for leaving FACTNET that I disagree with this, and that I felt that this was impinging on their religious freedom to practice their religion in the way that they WANTED, even if *we* don't like it. To post around the Upper Levels, and mock them IS HURTING many people in the Church, NOT only the RTC and Upper Managment. Which is why they responded with litigation. To then say, OK, this is a good excuse for proving the copyrights fraudulent, could be valid if this were indeed true. I personally could not find any evidence of plagiarism, BUT I may have missed something. If I did, there is nothing for FACTNET to fear, they are on solid ground. Yes, OSA did come to my doorstep, yes, the discussions were very lengthy. Was I co-erced into signing the Declarations? No. NO AMOUNT of co-ercion could have gotten me to sign anything I did not believe was true. I admitted defeat on points of truth, and if anything I have said is not true, there is NOTHING TO FEAR. I will not say any more on the Declarations now, in view of the legal dimension to this, and on the advice of my own legal counsel. People who cannot reconcile how I could do this, KNOWING that it would hurt my friends (I realise now no longer my friends) will perhaps start saying that I am a Church plant, or operative, and have been all along, or, that I was paid money to do this. Neither is true. I have never had any financial interest in this, not when I was in FACTNET, and not now. I am not, have never been, and never will be, a Church agent of any kind. I am firm in not going back to the Church. So why, then, you say, HELP them? The bitterest enemy of my former friends? I helped them because on THIS issue (the copyrights), I believe they ARE RIGHT. I helped them on the copyrights, and the copyrights only. I offer an example, of another situation, which is a VERY different situation, but I believe, the basic principles are the same - when Gandhi was leading his campaign of passive resistence against the British Empire, they responded with brute force, and violence. When the people of India could not take it anymore, and gave in to the impulse to do violence, and attacked a group of British Empire Police, killing them, Gandhi was so appalled that he dismantled his entire operation, and withdrew his support from the people. His own people were outraged and appalled at his action, felt hurt and betrayed when he turned in those people responsible to the British. All right, now I know this is not a physical war, with weapons and blood. It is a war of ideas, concepts, emotions, and to many people (not all), it is a spiritual war. But look at all the pain. Much of it *I* have now caused. The same principles apply - you will not overcome if you fight pain with more pain and anger. If you hurt the Church, they will hurt back. This is my *fundamental* disagreement with them. If you want to oppose the Church, it is very easy to do without giving them the reason (copyrights, mocking their beliefs, saying they have no right to be a religion) and the means with which to hurt back, and then DENY the TRUTH of that reason you have given them. I know many of you will not agree with me. I know and understand that many of you will never forgive me, and I don't expect it. I pray from the bottom of my heart that the people in the Church will look at this whole thing, too, and re-assess their means of dealing with their enemies. I pray that this whole disaster can at least, if nothing else, be used to look at WHAT WE ARE DOING TO EACH OTHER, and that people really, really look at what they are doing, before injecting themselves into a conflict that is so intense. If you are going to fight, fight with information, fight with integrity, fight with a preparedness to admit error, or conceed where the other side is right. That way, and only that way, can so much pain and emotional "bloodshed" be avoided. I blame NOBODY for my errors - not the Church, not the critics, not the Free Zoners - not anyone. All along, it has been, and always will be - MEA CULPA. And finally, for those who are bitterly hurt - those of you who are their friends, be with them, and love them, and help them with their hurt. I will bear mine alone, out of choice. And now, I leave a.r.s., for good this time. Kim Baker