Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology From: Kim Baker Subject: MY STORY : PART 6 Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 09:34:18 +0000 All right. My response to OSA's latest attempt to silence me is to continue telling my story - I am exersizing my human right to free will and free speech. ABSORBED BY THE CULT I was now totally absorbed by the cult - my whole life was taken up with it, and the only time I had free was Saturday and Sunday evenings. And I found that I could not enjoy normal human activities - such as going to movies, etc. They lacked the intensity that I had become addicted to. After completing the Upper Indoc TRs, I did something called Method One Co-Audit - it is where two people work through a list, looking for words that were not understood in past subjects studied. It is done on the e-meter. I then studied OEC Volume 0 (Organisation Executive Course - there are 7 volumes, this one dealt with being a staff member in a Scientology organisation). It was at this time that an order came down from the Case Supervisor in Johannesburg that I could not receive my Clear Certainty Rundown (an auditing action to confirm that you are Clear) in South Africa - I had to go to an Advanced Organisation - which meant that I was now looking at R30 000 just for a CCRD! Further, the instruction was that I was not to receive ANY auditing of any kind until I had been to an Advanced Organisation. Never did find out the reason for this. TURNING ON MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS This is one of many parts that I am deeply ashamed of. While on Staff, my mother became very ill, and was hospitalized. I RESENTED it, God help me, I resented the intrusion into my cult activities. I wrote up a CSW (Completed Staff Work - a request, in writing, with information and a solution, to a senior) to get time off to visit her. It was denied. I re-wrote it, promising to make up the time off, and it was granted. The time I was allowed off was minimal - an hour a night - to visit her. I visited her out of a sense of obligation - I had no compassion, and she knew it. She recovered, but there was a distance between us after that. I bear a deep guilt about this today - then, I had no guilt. I became distant from my friends, and lost touch with them. I belonged to the Church of Scientology - and my "stellar" performance on their courses made me a favourite of theirs. LIVING WITH CONTRADICTIONS By now, I had learnt to accept contradictory facts. Sometimes, though, the contradictions were too much for me. One evening, at roll call, a tape by Hubbard was played. On it, he spoke of how he had met Hendrick Verwoed (Hendrick Verwoed was one of the founding fathers of Apartheid in South Africa - he created the system of "Bantu" education, designed to give Black South Africans an inferior education so that they would be forced to seek employment as unskilled labourers - an unspeakably evil system that still has effects to this day). Hubbard said that Verwoed was "a great guy". The dissonance jarred me deeply. I asked that they stop the tape, and re-play that part - I wanted to be sure I heard correctly. I did. Unfortunately, I don't have the reference of the tape - all I remember is that it was part of the Organisation Executive Course (probably being edited out by the Church now, as I write!). I stood there with my jaw hanging - "How can that be???", I asked my fellow staff members. Here we were, supposed to be saving the Planet, freeing people from their "reactive" minds - and here was our leader, saying that one of the most suppressive people in our country was "A GREAT GUY"???? The other staff members just shrugged it off, saying Hubbard must have had his reasons. I couldn't. I kept my disagreement to myself after my initial outburst - didn't want to have to go through "False Data Stripping" (a process whereby any disagreement with Hubbard or Scientology is handled to the point that the disagreement is nullified). SO WHY STAY IN THE CULT? Is the question you must be asking. Here was something that struck against the very core of me - it struck at that which I had spent my whole life fighting, at that which I considered to be utterly evil - racism. Yet I stayed on in the cult. Why? WHY?? I have been beating myself up over this one - because I DON'T KNOW why I did not walk out at that point. This frightens the hell out of me. What more reason did I need to see through the cult? Yet I stayed. Would I have stayed if I had found out that Hubbard was a mass murderer too? Jesus, I DON'T KNOW!!! What had happened to me????? More to follow in Part 7 Kim Baker