Diarrhetics (di'eh ret'ics) n. A Structurstem [TM] wherein the mental Healthstatform [TM] of an unenlightened Droogworm [TM] is Judgmentationalized [TM] by a Superior Enlightened Olympian [TM] in an effort to reestablish the subject's Personhoodism [TM], health, and happiness, as well as to Screwgouge [TM] said patient of all personal Liquidassets [TM] that may stand in the way of his attaining the desired state of Empty [TM]. ***

Some Answers to Your Most Frequent Questions

Who invented Diarrhetics[TM]?

The father of Diarrhetics[TM] is Elron Hubbard, or "Captain Love Log," as he is lovingly referred to by thousands of nubile, subservient Suckbunnies[TM], Hosemonsters[TM], and Minionsluts[TM] around the globe.

We've Got Some Exciting Plans for You!!!

What, in the layman's basic Outsiderchaosmonger [TM] vocabulary, does all this mean? Well, it's simple, really.

As an individual lives his/her/OUR life, bad experiences collect in the psyche and emerge years later in the form of phobias, psychoses, physical illness, and, of course, a passion for accordion music.

For example, a child who was abandoned by vagrant parents in a White Castle restaurant and subsequently raped and gnawed by a pack of Doberman pinschers is likely to have a problem later in life with large hellhounds coated with the smell of rehydrated onions and a pink lipstick between their legs.

Through the scientific use of Technofoolery [TM], a trained and disciplined Diarrhetic [TM] Spongeminister [TM] can Empty [TM] you of all those long-buried upsets, assets, liquids, and Liquidassets [TM].

A brilliant author, scientist, and scholar, Elron first gained fame in the 1920s as the boy author of the hugely successful and controversial Can I Touch It? books for children of his own age group.